


The Cult of Sina

by DemonSaiborg



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Bottom Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Child Abuse, Cults, Explicit Sexual Content, Falling In Love, M/M, Religious Fanaticism, Smut, Top Eren Yeager
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-19
Updated: 2020-04-20
Packaged: 2021-02-24 15:27:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 16,946
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21860164
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DemonSaiborg/pseuds/DemonSaiborg
Summary: When Levi escaped his abusive life under the Church of Sina he thought that his problems would be over, that he would finally be free, but he was wrong.For ten years the memory of a young boy that he promised to come back for haunted him, for ten long years Levi dreamt of Eren Jaeger almost every night.The guilt of his broken promise weighed down on his conscience until it finally broke him. He knew that the only way to free himself, was to free Eren too. Even if that meant revisiting a hell that he swore he would never return to.
Relationships: Levi/Eren Yeager
Comments: 62
Kudos: 114





	1. Burn Away The Past

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! I am BACK to write a super long fic in the AOT fandom once again and I can't wait! Since my last fic was so well received (thank you all for that) I thought I'd start a brand new journey with you all <3 
> 
> Just a HUGE WARNING before any of you start reading: this fic is going to explore some very dark themes so if you feel that you need to, please continue to check the tags as I update them with each chapter. 
> 
> Although this is going to be dark, I can promise you a long and beautiful slow burn (with lots of porn) if you decide to stick around. 
> 
> I am very excited to be writing again :)

Levi had never seen anything like it, flames as high as the wooden buildings that they engulfed. Glowing shades of orange and red that lit up the night sky and blocked out the moon and stars. He knew that escaping the church would be dangerous, but he wasn't expecting the fire to spread so quickly. His hands had never caused such destruction before, but rather than a feeling of power, it only made his heart beat at twice it's resting pace, and his stomach drop like an apple fresh from the tree.

The straps of his rucksack dug painfully into his bony shoulders, the weight of his belongings inside it crushing his spine. It would only be a matter of time before his room would be taken by the raging fire as well, and as the thick smoke brushed up against his window he knew that he had to hurry if he wanted to make it out alive. 

It wasn't meant to be this way. The fire was only supposed to serve as a distraction so he could slip away unnoticed, but a teenaged boy had no business playing with fire and now he was facing the consequences.

It was stupid. He knew that now. All he could do now was use the distraction to make his escape, and pray that nobody innocent got hurt.

There wasn’t time to watch as the flames licked at the night sky, there wasn't time to say goodbye to the community that had raised him from infancy. That being said, leaving in a hurry would prove difficult. It was especially hard when two tiny, shaking hands were gripping at Levi's trousers, and a familiar voice, drenched with sorrow was begging him not to leave. 

Eren Jaeger. An annoying little brat of only nine years old. 

That kid was a total pain in the ass, but over the years Levi had grown particularly fond of him. After all, Levi had raised Eren more lovingly than his own parents, and Eren had looked up to Levi as if he were the sun. Tragically for Eren, looking up to the sun can leave you blinded and burned.

“Get off me kid,” Levi hissed, trying and failing to shake free of the child's grip. “It's dangerous to be here right now. Go find your mother or something.” 

Eren had no intention of releasing Levi so easily. His bitten down nails dug into Levi's shins almost painfully, his bloodshot eyes glaring up in desperation. 

“Don't go, Levi.” The boy sobbed, saliva glistening on his lips as he cried. “P-Please, don't leave me. S-Stay with me.”

The child looked pitiful, mucus running from his red nose, tears wetting his cute, round face. Usually the boy's face was adorned with a smile when he was around Levi, but not today. 

“Eren, seriously, get the hell off me!” 

Levi didn't have time for this. The window of time that he had to escape was becoming dangerously thin, and if he failed, the church elders would probably kill him for even attempting to leave. He knew that he'd been seen starting the fires too, and for that they'd likely make his death a slow one.

“Don't go, don't go! Stay! P-Please please!” 

There was no use trying to console Eren, he was hysterical, and Levi was beginning to question whether telling him the truth about his escape plan had really been a good idea. Eren had been Levi's only ray of sunshine in the hellhole that they were unfortunate enough to call home. Levi was probably Eren's only friend too. Leaving him like this, in a place like this, it was almost unbearable. 

“Knock it off, kid!” Levi finally managed to kick the boy off him, and he fell to the ground with a thump. 

“Levi, don't go... stay, stay...” 

Fuck, Levi knew that Farlan and Isabel were waiting for him at the rendezvous point. He knew that they would have to leave without him if he couldn't get his shit together and meet them in time, but running out on Eren without even so much as a goodbye would’ve been heartless. He didn’t anticipate how hard this goodbye would be, he should've known, and now all he could do was curse himself for being so damn stupid.

Another whimper escaped Eren, and Levi instinctively knelt down on the creaking floorboards before the weeping child. 

Eren grasped at Levi's collar, pulling him closer, and Levi didn't have the heart to resist him, or push him away again. Eren must've been so confused, and Levi knew that it was all his fault.

“Please, please Levi.” Eren's voice was breaking over and over, an endless loop that brought a new crack to Levi's cold exterior each time. 

“Tch,” Levi gritted his teeth so hard that he thought they might snap, this moment was difficult enough without the kid pleading with him like this. “I can't stay Eren, you know that.” 

“But Levi...” 

Fuck, Levi's stomach was bunched up in knots, and when Eren's tiny hands came up to rest at either side of his face he could physically feel his heart beginning to crumble. 

“I'm sorry, Eren.” Levi found his own hands moving without permission, cupping the child's face between them. His eyes were dazzling, full of hope even in a time like this. “But I have to leave. Your father probably already knows that it was me that started the fires, and you know what he'll do to me if he finds me.” 

“No, no, no!” Eren's voice broke again as he shed fresh tears, tears that soaked into Levi's skin no matter how quickly he tried to wipe them away. “I'll tell him... I'll... I'll tell father that it was an accident! He won't hurt you, I promise!” 

“Eren,” Levi sighed. They both knew that what Eren was saying wasn't possible. Grisha Jaeger was infamous for being the Church of Sina's most brutal leader since it's conception. Eren knew the truth behind that all too well, so did Levi.

Grisha didn't take too kindly to those who tried to leave the church. Once you'd been connected to Sina, to leave her grace was the worst kind of sin that one could commit. Every member of the church knew that, and they knew it well.

“Or maybe...” Eren looked down to the ground for a moment, and all of a sudden his tears subsided. Levi raised a brow, a sense of uneasiness building in his gut. “Maybe father will let me take the punishment for you. That way you don't have to be scared, and you... you can stay. You can stay, Levi, with me.” 

For a moment, Levi was stunned. 

Was this really how far the kid was willing to go to have him stay? 

Eren knew what it felt like to be beaten to near death by his father. The children in the church were often too thin and malnourished to fight back, and the adults purposely turned a blind eye. Eren knew the agony, the weeks it would take to fully recover. He knew that some of the scars would never fade, and yet here he was, a mere child, offering to take it all in Levi's place. 

“What are you saying, Eren?” Levi could feel his voice begin to crack under the pressure of the situation. Eren's innocence and bravery had always overwhelmed him, but to offer himself up to the torture that Grisha meant to inflict upon Levi was just... something else entirely. 

“Don't ever say that again you little shit!” 

Levi swore in front of Eren often, but this one seemed to take the boy by surprise.

Eren’s face twisted in confusion, but Levi didn't give him any time to process the emotion. He flung his arms around the boy so tightly that Eren began to cough and splutter from the lack of oxygen. 

“Don't you dare put yourself in a situation like that Jaeger, not for me, not for fucking anyone! Do you hear me?” Levi spoke straight into Eren's warm ear, leaving no room for his demands to be misheard. 

“But if I do it you'll be able to stay... I need you to stay Levi, I... I need you...” 

All of a sudden he was wailing again, and Levi could feel his heart ripping itself apart. He had to leave Eren behind, he had to. If he brought the child with him he would only be endangering Eren's life. He was risking his own life as if was.

If there was any other way, anything else that he could possibly do to keep he and Eren together and safe and happy then he would do it, but there wasn't. This was the only way. 

“Eren,” Levi lifted the boy's head with a shaking finger under his chin. “I love you. I love you so much that it burns, but I have to go.” Eren tried to speak, but Levi pushed a finger against his lips to silence him. “This isn't the end ok? I promise that I’m going to survive, I promise that I'm going to get out of here, and then I...I...” The tears that rolled down Levi's cheeks were nothing compared to the drowning feeling in his mind.

Eren's eyes widened, his fingers were warm against Levi's face as he wiped the tears away. 

“I’m going to come back for you, Eren. I promise, I promise you.” 

“You're gonna... you're gonna come back?” 

Levi swallowed his grief, the reality of the situation seeping into his head more and more as the precious seconds went by. 

“When I’ve found somewhere to live, I'll come back for you, ok?” 

“And I can... I can live with you? Somewhere far away?” 

Levi couldn’t help but smile like a fool at the boy's naivety and innocence. His cheeks were aglow with the impending heat from the fire, his eyes full of wonder. It was as touching as it was heart wrenching. “Yes, I won't leave you here alone forever Eren.” 

Eren's expression changed, as if he finally accepted what was happening, as if he knew what he had to do now. “Promise?” 

The boy held out his trembling hand, and Levi pressed his lips against the warm skin. A kiss on the hand was the sign of a binding agreement in the church, and although Levi was leaving the church behind, he knew no other way of showing Eren that he was serious. 

“I promise.” 

“Levi, Levi... Levi!” 

“Agh!” 

Levi awoke with a start, the coolness of freshly formed sweat painting his face as it had done so many times before. His naked body stuck to the soft cotton of his bed sheets, and as his eyes began to focus he could see an adjacent pair of glistening, hazel eyes glaring down at him. 

“Levi,” the woman by his side placed a cold hand on the man's shoulder, her expression tense, her lips pursed. “You were having that same dream again, weren't you?”

Levi shrugged her hand off him, grasping at the sides of his head as he sat up. “Petra,” he groaned, refusing to glance in the woman's direction in fear that she would pick up on the sadness in his eyes. “No I wasn't, it was a different dream.” 

Petra furrowed her brow, tucking a soft strand of red hair behind her ear as she spoke. “Oh Levi, I hate it when you lie to me.” 

Levi met the disappointment in her tone with anger. “I’m not fucking lying to you, ok?” 

Petra didn't recoil at his harsh words, by now she was used to them. “Levi, you were saying his name in your sleep again... I know that... I know that you were dreaming about...” 

“Don’t say it!” Levi jumped up to his feet, making sure to face the wall, making sure that Petra couldn’t see the anguish on his face. “Don't you say that name! I already told you that we're not speaking about him, not ever again!” 

Levi could hear the woman whimper behind him, and without a moment of hesitation he was pacing toward the bathroom door.

“Levi please, don't storm off again, we can talk this out...” 

Despite his girlfriend's reasonable pleas, Levi didn't listen. Before the woman knew it the bathroom door was slammed, and she was left alone in darkness. 

“Stupid fucking...” Levi muttered under his breath, teeth gritted as he slammed his hands down on the sink. “Idiot, fucking idiot.” 

Despite his cold behaviour toward his girlfriend, Levi was not angry at her. He was angry at that damn dream. He was angry that after years of recovery and therapy he still couldn't get Eren out of his subconscious. 

That kid invaded his dreams each and every night. Those tiny, trembling hands, those dazzling, green eyes. They'd stuck with Levi like a disease for ten long years. He'd almost lost his life trying to escape the damn cult, Farlan and Isabel were less lucky, he should be enjoying his life as a free man, but it wasn't possible.

Adjusting to life on the outside was hellish too. Years of constant panic attacks, homelessness, mistrust. Even now that he'd found himself a wealthy girlfriend and a home, he still couldn't be happy. 

He couldn't possibly be content, because after ten fucking years, every time he closed his eyes he saw Eren's sad, pitiful face. 

Levi promised that boy that he'd come back for him. He promised that he'd save him, and he broke that promise. 

For the first few years, Levi fully intended to go back there, but the endless days wore him down. He had nowhere for the boy to live, he had nothing to offer him, and the thought of stepping foot in the cult once more would send Levi spiralling into a panic that would leave him gasping for air and clawing at his own skin. 

Levi knew the horrors of the abuse that took place in the cult. It haunted him, and like a pitiful, pathetic child, he was too scared to go back. 

If the elders ever saw him again they'd probably pluck out his eyes with fucking spoons. It was a task so deadly that that Levi could do nothing but wallow in his own fear for months on end. 

Eventually he began to get himself back on his feet, eventually he managed to convince himself that Eren was better off without him, that the kid probably didn’t even remember him, but deep down he knew that was a lie. 

He found himself a girlfriend, because... well because that's what normal people do, right? 

She was bright, and kind, too kind for Levi, and after a while she became the vessel for Levi to take out all of his childhood trauma on. She really was the perfect woman in many ways, but Levi didn't love her. She was what he thought he needed to be normal, to and happy, but she couldn't fix him. Nobody could.

How could Levi possibly love another when every time he closed his eyes he saw Eren's crying face? Every time he thought of Eren the weight of his own guilt would crush him slowly, painfully, until he felt so small that he wished he could just stop existing. 

Levi hated himself. He hated himself for what he had done, and he hated himself for what he was doing now. Eren deserved better, Petra deserved better. It was as if everything he held dear to him could turn from gold to shit with just one touch of his wicked hands. 

“Eren...” 

Levi raised his head to look in the mirror. The bags around his silver eyes grew larger every night. His hair grew longer, his arms more muscular as he spent all of his days in his basement swinging at his punching bag until he collapsed in a heap of tears. 

He may have escaped the cult’s clutches, but it was as if he was unable to move on, unable to find peace. The way he was living now, well... it wasn't really living at all. He was in hell, and he was swiftly dragging Petra down with him. 

Levi didn't want to admit it to himself, but he knew what he had to do. He'd known for a long time, really. He'd let his fear hold him back for so long that it’d warped his mind, turned him into a vile demon, fuelled by hatred and anger. 

That demon needed to die. That demon was not who Levi was, or who he wanted to be. 

He needed to be different. He needed to listen to the voices that screamed out to him in the night, he needed to follow the tiny footsteps that beckoned his soul back home, where he belonged. 

If he could erase his guilt, perhaps he could build a new life on a solid foundation, perhaps he could finally be free from the self hatred that plagued him. But the only way that he could be rid of his guilt was to fight the source. 

He had to finally make good on the promise that he made all those years ago. 

He had to leave Petra.

He had to go back for Eren.


	2. Imprisoned Within Open Arms

The Church of Sina was less of a religion, and more of a community. There weren't believers around the globe, different churches dotted in each quaint town or bustling city. The Sinians, as they called themselves, were confined to one particular area of land, sealed within the confines of a towering wall. The church was well known in the neighbouring towns, but the further away from Wall Sina that you went, the fewer people had ever heard of the church. 

That was the odd phenomenon of the Church Of Sina. Hundreds of people lived within the wall, and yet not a single soul had come to be there by choice. Most of the Sinians were born behind the wall, and would die behind the wall. A tradition, a community that had rooted itself over hundreds of years. 

Levi had always wondered if it had always been so terrible. Perhaps the church founders had started with good intentions, perhaps the power of the hierarchy within it had warped the minds of the elders, breeding generation after generation of corrupt leaders that had finally culminated in the monstrosity that was Grisha Jaeger. 

To the Sinians, life inside the wall was all they had ever known. They rarely took in outsiders, didn‘t trust or like them, which only made Levi's task more difficult. 

There was no way to sneak in without being spotted. The only way that this could work was if Levi was accepted into the Church of Sina with open arms. It was going to be hard, but not impossible. 

On odd occasions, a new member would be accepted into the church. Perhaps two or three people a year, approved by Grisha himself. Most were quiet, hard working, but all of them had one glaring, similar trait: they were all blank canvases, empty minds ripe for moulding and manipulating.

Grisha was an intelligent man, and an excellent judge of character. It was told that he could tell if a person was worthy of the blessing of Sina just by looking at them, but Levi knew that was a load of shit. Grisha's real skill was being able to seek out souls that were broken enough to do his bidding. 

When a person is at their lowest, when a person has nothing left to live for, they'd walk through hell just to feel the warmth of the flames. 

Grisha could offer them that warmth. Grisha could offer them a home, food, and a reason to wake up in the morning. For some, serving Sina was the only thing that drove them to stay alive, and those were the kind of people that Grisha preyed upon.  
That was the type of person that Levi must appear to be if he wanted a chance of breaking through the church’s defences. 

It wouldn't take much for him to get to that point. He was already homeless after all, Petra had kicked him out of the house only hours ago. She was a tolerant woman, the type to take a breakup well compared to most, but Levi wasn't particularly apt at letting somebody down gently. 

He'd told her he was leaving, he'd outright told her that he didn’t love her, he'd even told her that he never did. Somehow he was actually shocked when she collapsed into a heap of tears and told him she never wanted to see him again. 

That poor woman. Levi knew that she deserved better than him. At least now he could finally do something right for her and comply with her last request. She would never see him again.  
Levi had a long journey ahead of him if he was going to make it to the church, and although he was cold, hungry and tired, he pressed on. 

Five days it took Levi to travel to wall Sina. Three days he walked until the soles of his feet cried for relief, taking shelter under trees and in crevices when his body grew too weary to carry on. The other two: he used the last of his money to travel in the back of a merchant's horse and cart. The merchant even fed him a little when he heard Levi's stomach rumbling like thunder. Levi used the flip knife in his pocket to carve wooden arrows as payment for the final part of his journey, and before he knew it the merchant had dropped him off as close to Wall Sina as he could take him. 

That poor fool wouldn't have dared take Levi in the direction of that wall if he had truly known what lurked within.

Levi winced as his body began to tremble, an impending feeling of dread building within him, warning him to turn back, to run. 

He knew what awaited him behind that damn wall. He knew the horrors that lay within it's confines, and yet here he was. Once he was inside it was going to be another task trying to break back out, but that was tomorrow’s problem for tomorrow’s Levi... well... perhaps not tomorrow. Levi didn’t know how long any of this would take. 

He would find out soon enough he supposed. 

Levi’s stomach churned as he walked toward the gate. It would be guarded by two people, who would be visible and on ground level. Another two would be atop the wall, hidden from sight, but always watching. Guard duty shifted often between the men of the church so it would be impossible to guess who he might be greeted by, not that it mattered by whom he would be greeted. The important thing was making sure that he couldn't be recognised. 

The years hadn't been kind to Levi, but god damn they'd been kind to his appearance. His once frail and malnourished body was now muscular. Wispy, long hair had become stylish and shorter. The skin that was once coated with bruises and gashes was now smooth and porcelain white. Surely Eren wouldn’t even recognise him like this. 

Nobody would, the difference was too great. 

Perhaps he wouldn't recognise Eren either. Levi considered that possibility for a brief moment, but... no. Levi knew that he would know Eren the moment he saw him. He was unforgettable, annoyingly so. 

“Halt!” A voice called out, cutting through the silent air like lightning.

This was it. This was the moment of truth. There was no room for failure. 

The morning was silent, and still. Barely a gust of air in the dewy atmosphere to dry the droplets of moisture that rested on Eren's long hair. The boy gathered the dark strands at the back of his head, tying them up into a loose bun as he did every morning. The distant sounds of chatter came from outside, telling Eren that the village below the monastery was already bustling. 

The boy let a sigh pass through his loose lips as he turned to catch a glimpse of himself in his bedroom mirror. As usual, his verdant eyes were bright, and full of life. His brunette hair looked soft, reflected the morning sunlight radiantly. His arms looked strong as they pushed against the thin fabric of his robe, but still, all he saw was deformity. 

It had been ten years since the incident, the incident that left Eren scarred, the incident that killed his mother. Ten long years, and since then everything had changed. 

The boy let his fingers drift over his left cheek, feeling the rough, uneven skin beneath them. The appearance of his scar had improved over the years for sure, but it was still prominent across his face. The redness had faded to a light peach that spread across his entire left cheek, down the left side of his neck and onto his shoulder. Luckily the flames didn't reach high enough to affect his eye, but perhaps if they had then he wouldn't have had to see the deformity on his face in the aftermath of that day. 

His father had told him that the burn was a punishment from Sina herself for his blasphemy. If his mother had survived to see him then Eren knew she would've told him that he looked just as handsome with or without the scar. 

Eren turned his back on his reflection. 

It didn't really matter what he looked like anyway. He wasn't exactly looking to attract a partner. His father would choose who he married on the day of his twentieth birthday, and whomever that unlucky soul was would simply have to deal with his appearance. It wasn't like either of them would have a choice, Eren just hoped that the two would be able to stand each other. 

After a quick clean up, Eren descended the stairs of his tower and made his way to the courtyard. The Sinians were already praying and playing in the glorious sunshine, some threading daisies through their friends hair, others in a deep state of meditation. 

Those that got to live within the monastery were truly the most privileged in the church, Eren and his sister included. The villagers spent their days toiling away in their factories and mines, whilst the Sinian priests lounged around in their satin robes, a supposed pillar of their society. Eren was well aware of his privilege, but at this point he didn't care. 

What was there to care about, really? 

The world was a rotten place, a series of disheartening events that threw themselves at him in tandem. Eren knew that this life wasn't to be enjoyed. The only hope he had of happiness was to be accepted by Sina after he'd passed away, so he did what his father told him, no matter what the consequences. That was what he was born for.

As Eren paced the stone slabs, he could hear his father's stern voice in the distance. 

He grinned, preaching already? It was barely even halfway through the morning yet. Father didn't usually begin his sermons until the early afternoon. As Eren grew closer, and Grisha's voice grew louder, he began to pick up on certain words. 

“Trespasser.” 

“Heathen.”

“Deceiver.” 

Huh? What the heck could he possibly be talking about now?

Eren could feel the hairs on the back of his neck beginning to raise with anticipation. Whatever was going on in the grand hall was probably the most interesting thing to happen around this place in months. He had to check it out. 

Shit. The last thing that Levi had expected was an immediate audience with Grisha Jaeger himself. He knew that he was going to be questioned, perhaps checked over by the Sinian priests and left in a chamber to rest, but that was not what destiny had planned for him. 

He'd been led straight to the monastery, straight to the great hall, straight to the church's leader. 

Levi could feel his fingers going numb, his throat closing up, his head spinning as he was dropped straight at the feet of his past abuser. Two guards forced him down to his knees, held his arms behind his back with force. 

Somehow Grisha seemed taller now, although Levi knew that wasn’t possible. Nothing about him had changed. He still had that same wicked glare, slicked back hair, pompous robes. He still looked threatening without even trying. 

Another thing that hadn’t changed was his style of interrogation, and right now, Levi was on the receiving end of it. 

“Tell me,” Grisha's voice was low and gruff. “How is that you found our little community so far out here in the middle of nowhere? Hmm? I won't accept another lie from you.” 

“I told you, sir...” Levi almost choked on the word, letting a cornucopia of other, more profane titles rest on his tongue, left unspoken. I simply stumbled across the wall. Please, I haven't eaten in days...” 

“Lies and deceit.” Grisha spat, taking a step forward so he towered over Levi. He could feel his knees throbbing against the cold, marble floor, the frustration building up in his chest. “You would dare insult the apostle of Sina?” 

Apostle of Sina? What an arrogant prick he was. Levi would sooner spit in his face than beg to him on his knees. He had to keep reminding himself that he wasn't doing this for himself; this was for Eren. “Please sir, if I could just have some food then I’ll leave straight away. I don't mean to be any trouble.” 

Levi knew how Grisha would respond. Once you'd entered the walls there was no leaving again, whether you were a believer, a prisoner or a corpse. Once you were in, there was no going back. 

Grisha knelt down in one knee in front of Levi, the scent of patchouli fresh on his extravagant robes. Gods, Levi hated him, and as he took a long finger and placed it under Levi's chin, it took him everything that he had to keep his composure. 

Levi wanted to smack him, stab him, kill him, but he couldn't. All he could do in this moment was keep a straight face whilst the man that he hated the most in the world lifted his chin with his finger, and stared straight into his eyes. 

“You know, I hate liars.” Grisha was close to Levi now, so close that Levi could smell the wine on his breath. He leant in closer still, letting strands of his long, dark hair caress The bare skin on Levi's neck. The sensation sent a shudder down his spine, and all of a sudden he felt vulnerable, and open. The archbishop let his next words pass through his lips in a whisper: “And something about that defiant look in your eyes tells me that you're barely acquainted with telling the truth.” 

All of a sudden the two were interrupted by a loud, jarring creak as the door to the great hall was swung open. Levi was facing away, but he could hear heavy footsteps pacing toward him, and felt a cool breeze as Grisha rose to his feet. 

“Ahh, my son. Your timing couldn't be better.” 

Levi's heart felt as if it had stopped. His eyes grew wide with fear, anticipation, hope... My son? Could it be....?

“Father,” the voice that spoke was low, devoid of emotion or joy. It didn't sound like Eren, but then again it had been ten years since Levi had last heard his voice. “What's going on here?” 

Grisha left Levi's sight, and Levi tried his best to turn to turn his head and look behind him. A guard kneed him in the cheek, and with a pained grunt, Levi averted his gaze back to the marble floor. 

“We caught this heathen wandering the perimeter of the wall,” Grisha spoke, venom in his tone. 

There was a pause before Grisha's son spoke again. 

“And what does that have to do with me?” 

Levi almost choked on his breath. This couldn't possibly be Eren. Eren would never dare speak to his father with such indifference, nobody would. Who was this guy? 

“I thought that it was about time that you put your position of authority to use,” Grisha said, seemingly unfazed by the boy's uninterested tone. “Look into his eyes, tell me if he deserves our help.” 

“You know that I don't see these things as you do, father. Asking me to do such a thing would be pointless.” 

Levi heard Grisha huff behind him. The same noise he would make when he was contemplating giving out a beating. It made Levi's stomach drop. 

“My son.” His voice was louder this time, commanding, authoritative. “I won't tell you again.” 

The voice sighed, defeated. “As you wish.” 

The footsteps echoed through the hall once again, growing louder, closer, until they came to stop in front of Levi. Levi could see the bottom of a long, white robe in front of him, and he knew that whoever this was, was staring straight at him.

He didn’t dare raise his head, didn’t dare lay eyes upon the figure before him. If it was Eren standing there, then this moment could either be the most rewarding, or terrifying of his life. He could be recognised, he could be imprisoned or even killed. Levi had to keep telling himself that wouldn't happen. It couldn’t, not after all he'd been through to get here. That would be a cruel fate... although, not completely undeserved.

The silent room was filled with the sound of shuffling fabric as the figure below him began to kneel. Levi's heartbeat was heavy in his ears, his bottom lip quivered, his arms shaking in a deadlock behind his back. This was all happening too fast, way faster then he had anticipated, and in this moment Levi knew that he was vulnerable, and unprepared.

“Lift your head,” the voice spoke much more gently than Grisha, yet the authority in his tone was evident. “I can't assess you if I can't even look into your eyes.” 

Fuck. This was it. This was the moment that Levi had been dreading, had been fantasizing about for years. 

He lifted his head, ready to meet a pair of glistening, green eyes once again. 

Eren hated this sort of thing. He didnt have the power of Sina like his father did, he didn't know how to assess a person just by looking into their eyes. This entire ordeal was pointless, and yet his father always wanted him to keep trying.

The man before him rose his head, and Eren was met by a piercing pair of silver eyes. The pupils dilated when they met Eren's face, and the man's slim lips parted as if he were about to speak. 

It was strange, there was more life in this man's eyes than almost anyone that Eren had ever seen before, and yet somehow he had found himself here. He looked healthy, a little dishevelled perhaps, but none the less he was handsome, and well put together. Nothing at all like the others that his father had taken in as Sinians.

“There's defiance in his eyes.” Eren said, never taking his eyes off the man as he spoke to his father. “I'd suggest that we keep watch over him until we can determine whether or not he's a threat.” 

The man on his knees gasped audibly, and Grisha beamed down at Eren with such pride. 

“My boy,” he praised. “My son, the spirit of Sina grows stronger within you each day. You truly are an excellent judge of character.” 

Eren rolled his eyes. He didn’t feel like an excellent judge of character, he didnt feel like the spirit of Sina was growing stronger within him. Distrusting a stranger was simply an act of common sense. 

“Thank you, father.” Eren forced the words out, still captivated by the man’s silver eyes in a way that he couldn't explain to himself. It was as if looking into those eyes opened a portal to a whole new world. A world that Eren was eager to explore.

This man had lived outside of the walls, experienced things that Eren could never have dreamed of. By the goddess, the stories this man could tell. Eren could feel himself getting excited just thinking about talking with him, after all, he'd been dangerously bored for months now. 

Perhaps this man did have ill intent, perhaps he was a spy, or a murderer. Eren considered each possibility carefully, but once again he came to the same conclusion: he didn't care. 

Eren towered over the man in height, that was evident even with him on his knees. He was stronger than him too, it only took but a glance to figure that out. Even if this man attacked him, Eren was sure that he could take him with no contest. 

Perhaps he was wrong, but it was a risk he was willing to take for a little entertainment. Perhaps he could even make a friend out of this. Eren hadn't had any of those for ten years. 

“Father,” Eren’s voice was suddenly louder, stronger, as if he were speaking with purpose. “May I make a suggestion.” 

Grisha raised a curious eyebrow. “You may.”

For a moment Eren turned to look at his father, then back to the man in front of him. “What's your name?” 

Levi had known from the very beginning that he may have to use an alias. Without batting an eye he answered: “Cole.” 

“Cole,” Eren repeated his name, finding that it rolled easily off the tongue. Nice and simple. “You must know that since you've earned the archbishop's mistrust, we cannot simply let you leave this place. That being said however, we can provide you with any resources that you deem necessary right here in the monastery.” 

Eren turned to his father, the feeling of anticipation building within him, a feeling that had been long since neglected. “Father, if you will. I would like to make Cole my personal project for the meantime.” 

The archbishop softened his posture, a sly smile spreading across his lips. “You mean to say that you're willing to watch over this man? Instruct him in the teachings of Sina yourself?”

“Yes,” Eren could feel the smirk on his face widening, and the man named Cole seemed to stop shaking at the sight of his delight. “Don't worry father. If this man is hiding any ill will toward the church, I will find out.”


	3. The Glow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so it took me a long time to update, but I did it!   
> My country is on lockdown so I have plenty of writing time and I enjoyed every second of writing this. Can't wait to continue! 
> 
> Any comments or critiques are appreciated <3

Levi was sure that he was prepared for anything, but still he was shocked when he saw Eren.

His face, what the hell had happened to his face? The burn that ran down his left side, was that somehow related to the fire? Was that Levi's doing? And the way that Eren acted with his father too. Unafraid, sarcastic, miles away from the scared little boy that Levi had once known. 

All of a sudden Levi felt out of his depth, felt as if he were being crushed by the weight of the mounting questions in his head. 

The boy in front of him was surely Eren, Levi could tell by looking into his dazzling eyes, however he had changed drastically. For starters he wasn't really a boy any more. He was tall, way taller than Levi, more muscular too. His shoulders were broad, his hair was long, his face handsome in his maturity. 

Nothing about this guy resembled the Eren from Levi's memory at all, nothing but those distinctive, green eyes. 

Levi brought his attention back to the scar on his face. It looked old, faded, and it graced the man’s cheek as if it were framing his face. Could Eren really have been burned in the fire that he'd started, or was this something more sinister? Was this Grisha's doing? Surely a father couldn't do something so awful to their own child... but Grisha had been physically abusive in the past. Knowing Grisha the way that he did, Levi knew that there were no limits on what the man could use as a punishment for a disobedient child. 

Levi would have to ask him about it later, but for now, he had to focus.

Eren was going to make ‘Cole' his personal project, and for the meantime, Levi had no idea what that meant. 

By the goddess, father was easy to fool these days. 

Eren strode out of the hall and into the courtyard, Cole in tow behind him. The guy must've been so confused right now. Goddess knows why he came here, but Eren could've guessed that he wasn't expecting to find a new home in the church. 

Perhaps he really was just a hungry man with nowhere to go, but Eren doubted it. A guy that looked as good as Cole did most definitely wasn't under fed, nor was he homeless and desperate. Father must've been losing his touch in his old age, Cole was here for a sinister purpose, Eren was sure of it. That being said, he didn't care. This man was from outside the walls. He was exactly what Eren needed for his plan.

He didn’t look dangerous, Eren was at least a whole head taller than him and obviously stronger too. The guards would have already searched him for weapons, so it couldn’t have been due to any violent motive. No, there had to be something much more interesting inside that pretty little head of his, and Eren was so looking forward to drawing it out of him, and with it the information he so desperately needed.

Cole was silent as he followed behind him, which was strange for a newcomer. Most of the newcomers that his father had accepted were full of praise and gratitude, but this guy: nothing at all. That only made him more suspicious to Eren, and more boring. 

Suddenly, Eren turned on his heels. 

Cole gasped as he almost collided with him, taking an immediate step backward before he could make contact. The look on his face was priceless, shock and terror and panic all at the same time. Eren couldn't help but find it amusing, knowing that this man who had nothing to fear from him found him so intimidating. 

“Cole,” Eren tried to keep his tone soft, tried to ease some of the man's apparent tension. 

“Yes, sir.” His posture seemed to go even more rigid, if that was possible, and all of a sudden a crimson blush began to stain his pale cheeks. 

“Sir?,” Eren grinned, “please, if you're going to be my project we'll need to be a little more intimate than that. Call me Eren.” 

Cole's shoulders softened as he exhaled deeply. He was still visibly shaking, but at least he was trying not to stick out like a sore thumb. Not that it was working. 

“Sorry, E-Eren.” Cole looked down to his feet, his eyes considerably wider than they had been just moments ago. His lips parted, his head bobbing upward as if he wanted to speak again, but after a moment of consideration it slumped back down in silence. 

Goddess, breaking this guy in was going to be difficult. He was quiet, much quieter than the few others that father had brought in. Usually they were so full of questions, but then again, usually they were useless. Cole would not be useless, and it's often said that the hardest work bears the juiciest rewards.

“Listen, Cole.” Eren placed a large, warm hand on the man’s shoulder, and Cole flinched beneath it. Eren sighed, but his hand stayed firmly in place. “Really, you have nothing to fear from me. I'm not going to hurt you. Actually, your arrival here is probably the most interesting thing that’s happened to me in months.” 

Cole raised his head, the silver of his iris glinting in the daylight. “Really?” 

Eren grinned, “yeah, not much happens up here in the monastery, not to me anyway. I was starting to believe that I'd never find what I needed, and then all of a sudden you arrive, as if by fate.” 

“Fate... maybe.” Dark, sleek hair fell over the man's eyes as his vision retracted back down to his feet once again. Hair that was way too smooth to belong to a ‘homeless’ man who ‘hadn't eaten in days.’ 

“Pffft,” Eren snorted as he choked back a laugh. “You're not even trying to hide it are you?” 

“W-what?” 

The way that Cole's eyes still didn’t meet with Eren’s, the way that his voice cracked mid-word, the way that he followed without a question: it was all so stupidly suspicious that it hurt. Eren didn't know who this moron was, whether he was a spy, a thief, an assassin. Who ever he was, he wasn’t a very good actor. 

His ulterior motive mentality practically shone out of him.   
Eren wasn't a threat to this man, but seeing the way that he squirmed under his touch was just too entertaining. He leaned in closer, close enough to whisper in his ear, and to feel the way that he shuddered at the sensation of his hot breath. 

“You're not very convincing, Cole.” 

The shoulder beneath his hand tensed.

“There's no way that you stumbled upon a place like this by accident, but whatever your deceitful reason for being in my father's presence, it doesn't matter now.” 

Cole took a step backward, but Eren grasped onto his other shoulder and held him in place. “I'm not lying, I...” 

“Shhhhh.” Eren placed a subtle finger at Cole's lips and it silenced him instantly. “Like I said, it doesn’t matter now. You're lucky that I came across you when I did, Cole. You're lucky that I was bored enough to take you under my wing or I’m sure that you wouldn't have made it through the day with your life.” 

Cole's anxious gasp was audible, and Eren couldn't help but smirk in response. Of course, Cole was not a project of pure boredom, Cole was going to be useful to Eren. Very useful. For now however, he would play with him, just a little...

“I've always wanted my own project Sinian. My father has had so many, my sister has even had a couple herself, but you're my first.” 

“I'm your... project?” This wasn’t a lie, nor the truth. In Grisha's eyes, Cole was nothing more than his son's first disciple. They would act the part, sure, but Eren had his own plans.

Eren smiled sweetly, loosening his grip on Cole's shoulders as he spoke. “It's not scary, I promise. I'll simply be your guide as you open yourself up to the teachings of Sina. If you're successful then father will allow you to become a Sinian priest. It's an honour really, the townsfolk could only dream of having such an opportunity, and yet here you are, propelled to a position of excellence, all due to your shady character.” 

Cole's brow furrowed a little, but the fear and tension in his eyes was evident. For some reason just the sight of his expression prickled Eren’s chest. “I don't know what you mean, but I suppose that I don’t really have a choice at this point.” He pouted his lips, just another sign of that inner defiance that had drawn Eren to the man in the first place. 

“That's right,” Eren told him. “Think of it this way if it helps: for the time being, Cole, you belong to me.” 

Levi was truly shaken. 

It had taken so much strength to keep his composure, to act unbothered by the person that Eren had become. It seemed that there wasn’t a trace left of the sweet boy that Levi had once loved. Now he seemed arrogant, uncaring, likely the effects of being in a position of power for so long. 

To see him again was a miracle, and a nightmare. Levi had told himself to prepare for anything, but now he was here he could feel his confidence in his plan beginning to waver. 

Nonetheless, he kept his cool through all of it. He didn't break as Eren led him through cold, stone hallways, giving Levi a descriptive tour of what he could already vividly remember from his childhood. He didn't break when Eren led him up flight after flight of dingy stairs to his new chambers, making sure to remind Levi that there was no way to escape. To leap from the window would be to fall to his death. It was only when Eren finally left Levi alone in his room, when he closed the heavy, wooden doors and locked them behind him, when Levi heard his footsteps fade to nothing, that he finally broke. 

It was mid-morning when Levi was locked in his room, and Eren left him there to sob, all alone until nightfall. 

Levi hadn't remembered falling asleep, his eyes were sore from crying when he was rudely awoken by a warm hand shaking his shoulder. He gasped, eyes shooting open, still blurry as they adjusted to the flickering candlelight by his bedside, a light that illuminated Eren's grinning face, only inches from his own. 

It took Levi a few seconds to come to, but when he did he shuffled backward with a start. 

“E-Eren?” 

Before he could say any more, a long finger came to rest at his lips. 

“Shhh,” Eren's eyes were glowing, and Levi wasn't sure whether it was the candlelight, or the anticipation. Something about him seemed different from earlier, something about him seemed almost... manic.

Levi lowered his voice to a whisper. “Is there something you need from me? Why are you here?” 

Without warning, Eren slid his hand underneath the blanket that covered Levi's body. 

He could feel himself tense up, almost painfully. “What are you...?”

His hand drifted down Levi's arm, slowly, raising the hairs on his skin as we went, then all of a sudden his long fingers threaded through Levi's, and their hands were locked together. 

Levi could feel his heart beginning to race, but before he could speak Eren pressed his finger even more firmly against Levi's lips. “Follow me, there's something I want to show you.”

Years, it has been so many years since Levi had held Eren's hand like this. They used to be so small, so delicate, but now they completely dominated his own in size. His grasp was just as tight as it had always been though, although now it was probably to keep Levi from running away.

As Levi followed Eren out of the room, down the hallway, round winding corners and up many flights of stairs, he couldn’t help but remember how it used to be. Here they were, ten years later, still running through the monastery halls in the dead of night, still holding hands as if they were brothers, carefree children.   
Of course, the situation at hand had changed dramatically, but if Levi tuned reality out, just so, then it was almost as if nothing had ever changed. It was almost as if the love between them had never faltered, as if Levi had never left. 

Finally the two ascended the final flight of stairs, and the stone cold walls of the monastery opened up to reveal the star lit sky above. 

What was this place? Levi had never seen it before. 

It looked like some kind of open top garden. Surrounded by nothing but a short, wooden fence, and Levi couldn’t help but notice that this place had the most incredible view. 

As Levi took a couple of steps forward, Eren finally freed his hand. Levi’s fingers lingered for a moment before he drew away.

“Beautiful, isn't it?” Eren spoke softly behind him as he took another few steps. “This is where I come when I need motivation.” 

Beautiful was right, in fact this looked like a miniature paradise amongst the icy walls of hell. Flowers crept on winding stems up the fences, rose bushes dotted the area with an elegant touch. Water sat still and untouched in a moat around the edges, petals sitting on the surface like boats anchored in a harbour. 

“It's...” Levi wasn't sure what to say as his eyes drifted upward to the centrepiece of the garden: a stone platform, a few stairs leading up to the top, and elevated on a hanging arch, a swinging seat that rocked gently in the breeze. 

“Well, go on,” Eren scoffed, feeling a little offended by Levi's silence. “It took me years to build this goddess forsaken thing, at least pretend to think it's impressive.” 

Levi turned on his heels, surprised to see Eren scowling in his direction. “You... made all of this?” 

Eren's expression softened a little, and he started to pace over to Levi, slowly. “Sure did! Grew and nurtured the flowers, built the fencing, even carried the stone up all of those stairs to build that platform.” 

“Amazing,” The word left Levi's lips in a quiet breath, but it still brought a smile to Eren's face. 

“The trickiest part was figuring out how to build the little mechanism to make the chair swing. Nobody around here knew how to do it, so I had to figure that out on my own.” 

Eren came to stand by Levi's side as they both admired Eren's handiwork. It really was impressive. “You did it all on your own?” Levi asked. 

“Yup,” Eren flashed his dazzling smile, “had a lot of time on my hands you see. Usually the Sinian priests would help their master with day to day tasks, but like I said earlier, you're my first.” 

“Ahh,” Levi lowered his head. Of course Eren had a lot of time on his hands. He was practically locked up in this damn monastery day and night. Levi was his only friend, and Levi had...

“Come with me,” Eren beckoned up to the swinging seat on the platform. He didn't offer his hand this time, and Levi was a little confused by the fact that it disappointed him. 

The platform wasn't particularly high, but once Levi reached the top he noticed that he could see past all of the fencing. The lights of the town below them shone in their many, like a swarm of fireflies; a sign that there was life beyond the monastery, even if it was still simply life within wall Sina.

All of a sudden Levi understood the reasoning for building such a thing. 

“Sorry,” Eren said, raising an eyebrow as he took his place on the rocking seat. “Umm... this thing was only built for one person, but I’m going to have to ask that you take a seat anyway.” 

“Right.” 

It was a bit of a squeeze. As Levi lowered himself down onto the seat he could feel his arm brushing up against Eren’s robe. It was soft, comforting, and as he lifted his legs off the ground he noticed that Eren's body warmth was in complete contrast to the bitter night's breeze. 

Levi couldn’t help but lean into that warmth, just a little. 

“Nice view, isnt it?” Eren began, leaning back into the comfort of the wicker chair, dragging Levi's body back with him. 

Levi averted his gaze back toward the town lights. Not much else could be seen through the darkness, but nonetheless, it was pretty. “It really is.” 

Eren hummed blissfully, and if Levi didn't know any better he would've been sure that Eren was leaning up against him. Eren had leant against him many times before, but this felt... different. Less wholesome, more overbearing. Perhaps it was simply because he was heavier now. 

Eren tiled his head to the side, practically brushing his hair against Levi's face as he did so. “Wanna know why I built this little platform, Cole?” His voice was low, almost seductive, which was... strange.

Levi flinched a little at the gesture, and the name. He had known that he needed an alias, but he wasn't yet used to how foreign it sounded to him. “Uhh, because of the view?” 

Eren turned to look at Levi, and although his eyes were still fixed on the town below them he could feel Eren's intense eyes on him immediately. He could feel strands of Eren’s long hair brushing up against his neck, he could feel his warm breath on his skin. 

“Close,” Eren breathed, “very close.” 

Levi gulped down his anxiety, trying to push his discomfort to the back of his mind. Something about this level of closeness felt almost too intimate. Was this what Eren would be like all the time now? It seemed like some kind of seduction technique, not unlike the type that Petra would’ve used when she was about to ask Levi for a favour. 

Levi tried to ignore the closeness, tried to focus on the conversation at hand. “Well if that’s not the reason, then what is it?” 

Eren chuckled under his breath, and as he turned his head back to face the view Levi almost sighed in relief. “Not the view in general, Cole. But there was something in particular that I wanted to keep an eye on.” 

“Oh?” Levi was more than a little curious. Was there something he was watching over in the town below? Someone perhaps?

Eren stretched his arm outward, finger pointed directly ahead. “There,” he said. “Do you see it?”

Levi squinted, eyes trying, and failing, to focus on something in the distance that didn't seem to be there. His eyes followed the direction of Eren’s finger as best they could, but all he could see was darkness ahead. “See what?” 

Eren sighed deeply beside him, turning away as if he were a sulking child once again. “Look, it's right there in front of you. Open your eyes, Cole.” 

Really there wasn't anything. What the hell was he talking about? Had the years driven him completely insane, was he seeing things now. The situation was way worse than Levi had expected, that was until... he finally noticed.

In the distance, so far in the distance that he had to stop his eyes from focusing to see it, Levi noticed a very, very faint glow. It was so minor that he could barely make out a colour, but sure enough, there it was. He had just assumed that it was remnants of light from the town, but maybe not...

That had to be it, that was the only thing in the direction Eren was pointing, the only thing that mildly stood out in a sea of darkness. 

“Do you mean... that glow?” 

All of a sudden Eren sat up straight, his hand shot to Levi's shoulder, and excitement flooded into his voice. “You see it! That’s it Cole, the glow!” 

“Really?” 

Levi was growing ever more concerned. These years of work, the physical labour that it had taken to build this platform, all so Eren could sit here alone at night, and stare at that pathetic excuse of a light? This was ridiculous, this didn't make sense.

“Honestly, Cole.” Eren grinned, and as Levi turned toward him he noticed a smirk on his face. “You may not recognise it, but once I tell you what it is you'll start to feel so much more at home here.” 

What the...? Levi opened his mouth to speak, to protest, but Eren simply silenced him with a finger to his lips. He was making a habit of that, and it was beginning to piss Levi off.

“That's where you came from, that light there, that's the glow from the outside world isn't it.” Eren spoke with a firm tone, and Levi could feel the tiny, soft hairs on his skin standing on end. “Our worlds are connected, yours and mine. I can see yours from here, I wonder if you could always see mine, too.”

The outside world? Surely he wasn't so sheltered that he believed the outside world to be little more than a glow in the distance. Perhaps it was a distant town of some sort, a very, very distant town, but the town that Levi had been staying in was in the complete opposite direction. 

“Eren, that's not...” 

“Quiet,” Eren snapped, his voice like ice against Levi’s bare skin. “Do not lie. Not about this, not about anything. Just as our worlds are connected, you and I will soon be too. You must be truthful with me, always.”

“I...” What did he mean, connected? 

“Do you know why I spared your life today, Cole? And don't forget that that's exactly what I did. My father would've killed you outright once he'd gotten the information he needed out of you. Do you want to know why I decided to save you?” 

Levi could feel his heartbeat in his ears, his head was spinning, his mouth was dry with anticipation. “To... to teach me the ways of the goddess?” 

“Tch,” Eren spat, huffing his displeasure out in plumes of smoke. “You're not very bright are you? I'm not a kind person, I wouldn’t just take you in out of the goodness of my heart like that. No, I need you.” 

Levi was in shock. He could feel his heart sink, his body begin to tremble against Eren's, and all of a sudden Eren's once gentle body heat began to overheat him. This was crazy, or course he was a kind person... he was Eren...

“There's a reason that I always refused the Sinian projects that my father offered to me. I am no guide, I have nothing to offer them, and they have nothing that I want either.” 

Levi gulped down his fear before he spoke. “Then why, why did you take me?” 

Their eyes met, and for the first time, Levi looked straight into Eren's deep, green eyes, and didn't recognise him at all. 

“I need you. Or... more specifically, I need to learn from you. I am willing to do anything, Cole. Anything.”

Levi parted his lips once again Eren interrupted him before he could speak. 

“You're no poor, lost soul, Cole. You're from there, aren't you. You're from the outside world.” He pointed back toward the insignificant, glowing light, and Levi bit his lip to stop it from trembling.

Levi hesitated. He had never lived in that direction, but he was beginning to understand what Eren now believed. The ‘outside world,’ to him was a singular place. He had never stepped foot outside wall Sina, and it was entirely possible that the glowing light in the distance was the only representation of other life that he had ever known.

Levi couldn’t possibly explain the complexity of the world outside the wall to Eren, not right now, and so he simply replied: “I'm from... far away from here.” 

Eren's eyes narrowed as he smiled, but there was a certain demonic essence to his happiness. “Yes, I knew it. You have to help me Cole. I’ve had a goal for some time now, and you have been sent here by the goddess to help me achieve it.” 

Eren's voice cracked mid sentence, his shoulders were heaving as his breathing grew quicker, heavier. 

“I may be masquerading as your guide, but in reality, I need you to be my guide. My guide to the outside world, I need you to take me there, but first I need you to teach me everything that you know about it.”

To take him there? He already wanted to leave? That would make Levi's task so much easier, but still, something about this just didn't feel right.

“To teach you? What do you...?”

“I need to know everything. What does it look like outside the wall? How is it set out? Are there any dangers that I need to be aware of? Tell me... tell me...” 

Eren was beginning to sound manic, his voice was growing higher pitched, his eyes were wider than the open sky above them. 

This was bad, he was panicking, and Levi was about to start spiralling into madness with him. Then all of a sudden he remembered... 

Levi's hands shot up, cupping Eren's face between them, holding it in place. It was strange, his scar didn't feel as uneven as Levi had thought it would. In fact it felt rather nice.

Eren stopped talking, his strained expression suddenly softened, and his eyes glazed over until the Eren that Levi knew and loved had returned to them. 

Levi knew exactly how to calm Eren. He had done it so many times before, and it seemed that the boy hadn't changed. Shit, Levi felt fear creeping up into his brain like poison. He shouldn't have done that, he shouldn't have comforted Eren like he did in the past. One wrong move could give him away! 

That being said, Levi didn't pull away.

“Eren,” Levi’s voice was velvet, and Eren’s cheeks began to burn up under his touch. “Tell me, why do you need to know all of this information? Why is this so important to you?”

Completely calm, and in a faint voice, he replied: “There's someone out there who I absolutely need to find. I'll do anything.” 

Levi felt a thump in his chest and he was sure that his heart had stopped. Someone out there... surely, it couldn’t be. 

“A person, in the outside world?” Levi was cautiously optimistic. He needed to hear more.

“Yes. The one who left ten years ago, the one who set the fire.”

All of a sudden hope began to bubble in Levi's chest. He could feel the corners of his lips beginning to raise. To think that all this time, Eren had not forgotten him. Through everything, Eren still wanted to find him. It was almost too good to be true, that was, until Eren kept talking.

“The one who gave me this scar, the one who killed my mother, the one who betrayed me.” 

Killed his...? Hold on a minute... what was going on? This wasn't right. 

“I need to find him, I need to find him so I can get my revenge, so I can finally feel peace, do you understand?” 

Levi could feel tears stinging the corners of his eyes, and he fought with all of his might to hold them back. This couldn't be happening. This had to be some kind of mistake. 

“I need to kill him, Cole. Please help me.”


	4. Wings of Freedom

“Go away, Mikasa! I don't want to play with you!”

Once again, Eren hadn't had any sleep, and his lack of sleep had made him cranky. Levi hated it when he was like this, it always made him unnecessarily mean, and his sister was often on the receiving end of it. 

“I'm bored,” the little girl nuzzled her nose down beneath her soft, red scarf. Her eyes dropped to the ground, and her feet shuffled nervously against the concrete.

Levi knew that Mikasa wasn't usually shy. She was only nine, but that girl could shout louder than her half-brother if she really wanted to. For some reason though, when Levi was around, she became quiet, red faced, nervous. 

It only made sense, he was older than her. She was probably scared of him. 

“Eren,” Levi looked down at the boy's scowling face sternly, but Eren, defiant in his actions, only grasped onto Levi's hand more tightly. 

“I don't want to play with her, Levi!” Eren pouted, and Levi rolled his eyes so far back into his head that he thought he'd lose them. “You promised me that you'd read to me today, just me! You promised!” 

Levi looked back over to the girl. Her eyes had flicked up to watch him, but had soon found their way back to her feet when she saw Levi looking. There was seemingly no emotion on her face, but Levi could tell that she was sad. 

... She was usually sad. 

“Eren,” Levi let go of the boy's hand, his fingers tracing up his arm gently until his palm came to rest on Eren’s shoulder. His brow was furrowed, but Levi barely noticed Eren's expression when he looked into his shining eyes. “I’ll read to you for as long as you want, but do you think it'd be ok if I read to you both today?” 

Levi looked over to Mikasa, flashed her a quick smile to ease her nerves. 

“She’s feeling lonely, Eren.” 

Eren almost hissed with annoyance. “No way! You're my best friend, Levi! Mine! Not hers! You have to stay and read to me. Just me.” 

Levi sighed, long and drawn out. He knew that there was no reasoning with Eren when he was like this, and more than anything, Levi just needed the kid to sleep. 

Reading to him was nothing more than a ploy, and Levi mostly hated it. Grisha would keep Eren awake often, for days at a time sometimes, and Levi knew this. His eyes were always puffy, his temper always high, and on his worst days he was completely incoherent. Grisha would wake him in the middle of the night for prayer, for sermons, for chores. It must've been torturous for the poor boy. 

Grisha thought that sending Eren to Levi would’ve been another type of punishment for him too. Grisha had mistakenly believed that Levi was hard and cruel like his uncle, but Grisha was wrong. 

Eren had softened him, and although Grisha was under the impression that Levi was teaching his son discipline and martial arts, the two often spent their time snuggled up in solitude, and Eren would fall asleep in Levi's arms. 

Eren had trouble sleeping any other way now. Levi knew that as long as Mikasa was with them, as long as anybody else was with them, Eren wouldn't sleep. 

“Mikasa,” Levi let go of Eren's hand, earning himself a disheartened whine from the sulking child that he left behind. 

He paced over to her slowly, crouching down before her and taking her hand in his own. 

She jumped at the contact, but softly, she curled her fingers around his. 

“I promise we'll play with you later, ok?” He kept his voice quiet, calm knowing that the slightest raising in his pitch could make her jumpy. “But for now, I’m going to help you find Eren's mother.” 

Eren had taken to sulking in his bedroom as Levi left with his sister. He'd promised Eren that he’d be back very soon, but the boy was restless, and angry, and pained. Levi understood, he felt Eren’s pain as if it were his own sometimes. He knew that he needed to hurry. 

“Don't take any notice of Eren,” Levi told the girl as he walked her across the courtyard toward the monastery. Eren’s mother Carla was often somewhere in there with the other Sinian priests, and since the death of Mikasa's mother she had taken a shine to the young girl. “He's just grumpy, as usual. He can be a bit of an assho... a, a meanie, when he's tired.” 

Levi knew that Mikasa wouldn't usually reply to him when he spoke, but nevertheless, he felt that he needed to fill the silent void. 

“Carla can find something for you to do if you're bored,” Levi told her. “Maybe you can help her with some cleaning or something, or maybe you two can pray together for a while. Huh...? You like praying with Carla, don't you Mikasa...”

“I hate praying.” 

For a moment, Levi was stunned. Mikasa didn't often speak to him, in fact it was a complete rarity, and when she finally does address him, it's... blasphemy? 

Levi suddenly stopped in his tracks. “W-what?” 

“I hate praying.” 

She repeated herself, her voice as monotone and emotionless as ever, and for the first time in a long time, she looked Levi straight in his eyes. 

“I thought you loved praying, Mikasa. You do it all the time.” 

She didn't avert her gaze, even for a moment, and her blank expression never faltered. 

“No, I hate it.” 

This was a little... out of character. Levi didn't know the girl very well, but almost every time she saw Mikasa she was somewhere in the monastery, in the courtyard, in her bedroom, praying to the goddess. 

“Mikasa... why? Why do you hate it so much? You're doing it all the time, aren't you?” 

“The goddess is a liar.” 

Still, Levi could barely believe what she was saying. This young girl had seemingly devoted the early years of her life to Sina. Her father was archbishop of the church, her mother had been one of his wives, she attended every sermon. Something about this didn't seem right. 

“Mikasa, what do you mean by that?” Levi tried his best to speak in his softest tone, tried his best not to spook the girl. “What made you feel this way about the goddess?” 

Mikasa's bottom lip began to quiver, ever so slightly, just enough for Levi to notice. She bit down on it, taking a deep breath to quell the building emotion within her. Now wasn't the time to cry, it was time to speak. 

“Sina told father that if I prayed enough, she would give me power.” The way that the girl spoke was haunting. There was no emotion in her tone, no expression on her face. “And I did, and I asked her for wings and she didn't give them to me.” Then her face began to sour, her brow began to furrow and her teeth grated together loudly enough for Levi to hear. “She's a liar.” 

“W-wings?” What was she talking about? What could she possibly mean? “Why would you want wings?” 

“So I could fly over the walls. S-so I could go somewhere... somewhere else and... and...” Mikasa's voice broke, and without warning tears began to fall from her eyes, roll down her cheeks, wet her scarf.

Levi knelt down beside her without thought, and before he knew what was happening his thumb was at the girl's face, wiping the tears away. 

“Hey, hey,” Levi knew that he needed to comfort her before she was seen crying, but it seemed that she was already one step ahead of him. Her cries were silent, and she held her breath until her tears subsided, just as most children in the church’s care had learned to do. 

Levi could barely stand the sight of her sadness, and he flung his arms around her, held her until she stopped shaking.

She whispered into his shoulder, as if speaking aloud would stop her tears from falling. “I just want to be somewhere else, I just want to go away...” 

Goddess knew, Levi understood. The church was no place for a child, no place for anyone with a shred of decency within them

He knew that for a fact, because every person that had ever shown him an ounce of kindness had been beaten and tortured and reduced to nothing.

Of course she wanted to leave, but she was running out of hope, and without hope, she would...

“Mikasa.” Levi pulled away from her, holding her frail body between his hands. “Give me your hand.”

Shaking, she stretched her hand out before her, and like a mirror Levi copied. 

He linked their thumbs together, spreading his fingers outward. 

She did the same. 

“You see this?” Levi breathed, looking from their hands to Mikasa’s eyes, then back again. “These are your wings. Your wings of freedom, right here.”

She sniffled, but as she looked at the vaguely bird-like shape that their hands made together, her eyes widened. 

“These... are my wings?” 

“That's right,” Levi told her. He tightened his grasp, as if somehow the pressure would instil some sort of faith within her, some sort of belief that everything would be ok. “Whenever you feel down, just link your hands like this, ok?” 

Her little thumb tightened around his own, her fingers waving against the gentle breeze. 

“Just like that.” He smiled. “Things might not be good now, but when you're feeling sad I want you to make your wings, and I want you to remember that one day things will be good.” 

“Really?” The corners of her lips began to lift, and Levi was graced with the first, and only smile that Mikasa had ever given him. 

“Yes,” he told her. “One day these wings will set you free, I promise."

When Levi awoke that morning his body was sore and aching. 

The skin against his ribs felt tight and abused, and tiny bruises littered it where he'd been digging his fingertips in. 

He must've only slept for an hour or two, the majority of the night was a seemingly endless series of panic attacks, coupled with the agony of the physical body convulsions that came with them. 

What Eren had told him was haunting, but somehow this morning, as his mind raced, his frustration overtook his fear.

How did Eren have things so wrong? What had happened after Levi had left all those years ago that had managed to warp his mind in this way. Levi had spent ten years plagued by guilt, loving Eren from afar, and the whole time Eren’s mind had been wasting away in this hell as he planned Levi's murder. 

To say that it hurt was an understatement. It had the potential to be soul destroying, but Levi didn't come all this way just to give up. 

Eren wanted out. He wanted to leave the church, and he wanted to take Cole with him. No matter the reason, half of Levi's job was already done before he’d even started. The truth about his identity would come out later, but for now Levi had to know what he was up against. 

It was obvious that Grisha played a role in the falsities that Eren believed, but how much of a role? And what exactly had he told Eren? That was still a mystery. Levi needed to find out everything, he needed to know exactly how vilified he had become in Eren’s eyes. 

He hoped that in time, he could fix this. He knew that he had to at least try. 

Levi dragged himself up into a seated position, the warmth of the blankets, nestled against his bare skin, was beginning to slip away into the morning breeze. He could hear birdsong, and the sunlight shone in dazzling, golden rays through his window, illuminating the specs of dust that drifted in the humid air.

He was tired, but determination drove him to his feet. Just in time, he could hear somebody unlocking the door from the outside. It was time to turn the situation in his favour, it was time to unlock the confines of Eren's mind, and find out what was really going on.

“Most of the time when we aquire new project Sinians, we’ll have them sitting in the grass making daisy chains for each other.” Eren’s legs were splayed out in front of him, his hands rested against the soft grass and his head was tilted up toward the morning sun. “So, y'know, feel free to make me a daisy chain or something whilst we're talking.” 

Levi ran his fingers through warm blades of grass, revelling in the sensation of the sun against his pale skin. It had been so long since he'd been able to sit in the sun with Eren. The last time they had done this Eren had fallen asleep on his lap.

“I'm not really in the mood to make a daisy chain.” Levi spoke, his voice a shadowed husk of what it had been the day before. 

"Oh?" Eren laid down on the grass, resting his hand on his palm as his elbow dug into the soft ground. He looked so carefree, it was unfair. "My sister's Sinians always make her pretty little daisy chain headbands. Maybe you're just a crappy project." His tone was playful, but Levi struggled to find the humour in it at a time like this. 

"Maybe your sister just looks better in a daisy chain headband than you do," Levi retorted. 

"Hey," The word came out in a quiet breath, and without even knowing he was doing it, his fingers traced the scar on his face. "Don't go getting googoo-eyes for Mikasa, you're supposed to be my project, not hers." 

It was alarming how his happy-go-lucky persona could shatter so easily. He sounded genuinely hurt. Levi looked over at Eren with wide eyes, shot him a subtle grin. 

"Don't be silly," Levi told him. "I don't even know who she is." 

Another lie, or... was it? He hadn't seen Mikasa in years, and in a way, he'd never really grown close to her during his time at the church. 

"I really mean it Cole. You'd better not let a girl distract you from our plan, I'm really counting on you here." 

Levi would've chuckled if the timing were appropriate. It seemed that Eren was as posessive over him as ever, even when he didn't know him as Levi any longer, it was still the same. 

"Speaking of the plan..." 

Eren sat a little more upright, glaring at Levi through thick, dark lashes. “Still curious, hmm? Didn't I explain things to your satisfaction last night?” He grinned, the smile somehow different from the one that Levi remembered. There was something more sinister in his eyes, something that drew Levi in deeper.

Levi paused for a moment, he knew that he needed to be careful with his words, but more than anything, he wanted answers from Eren. “It was a little vague,” Levi told him, averting his eyes in an attempt to keep Eren from seeing right through his uncaring facade. “So you want out, right? But you barely told me why.” 

“SHHHH!” Eren’s eyes widened, and before Levi could take another breath Eren had scooted over to him until he was close enough to touch. “Don't be so loud,” he hissed. I’ll tell you anything you need to know, just... y'know... be a bit quieter.”

Levi could feel the tiny hairs on his arms standing on end. Eren was so close, close enough to feel the tension between their bodies, and all Levi wanted to do was reach out and touch his arm, his face, his hair. 

It always felt natural when they were children, but they were not children any more. They were not even friends. In fact, he was Eren's enemy, and yet here he was sat by his side in the sunlight as if nothing had changed.

Levi shuffled himself closer, making sure to whisper into Eren’s ear as he spoke. “Sorry,” he began, jolting at the sensation of Eren’s long hair brushing up against his skin. “I'll be quiet, I promise, but I need to ask you a few more questions about this whole situation.” 

Eren cocked his head to the side, raising a curious eyebrow.

“I want to know more.” 

“Ok,” Eren’s lips began to curve upward into a smug grin. He looked as if he revelled in Levi's attention, his curiosity. “Ask me anything, and I’ll tell you, but there’s one rule.” 

Of course, Eren would never give anything without getting something in return. A little standard that Grisha had taught him, Levi presumed. 

“Yeah?” 

“You have to answer all of my questions too.” Eren flashed Levi a sly wink, and somehow his heart seemed to stop for a moment.

Levi averted his gaze to the grass below him, trying his best to hide the rising blush in his face. “Deal.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that not much happened in his chapter, but it's a very important set up for the next chapter, which will be JUICY.


	5. The Fallacy: Part One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I've decided to split this chapter into two or three parts so I'm updating more frequently rather than taking forever and having you all read this whole segment of story in one long block :') hope you enjoy!

Levi's head was beginning to spin as the raging thoughts in his mind battered the inside of his skull. Eren was staring at him with those intense, green eyes, a smirk on his face that told Levi that he was excited by the chance to indulge in his curiosities. 

As much as Levi needed to know what lurked within Eren's warped mind, he wasn't sure if he would be able to handle the answers when he recieved them. He was going to hear some pretty devastating things about himself, lies, insults, it was going to be difficult to keep a straight face. 

How could he possibly not react? After all of the years that he'd spent in adoration of the image of Eren in his heart, how could he hold back his emotions when Eren spoke of him with such disdain, such hatred?

“Well then,” Eren was still laying in the grass, his posture was relaxed and lazy, but something about the look on his face told Levi that his mind was powered up, working in overdrive. 

“Since you're the one with the burning questions, why don't you start us off. Cole.” 

Ugh, now more than ever, that name just didn't quite sound right rolling off Eren's tongue so easily like that. Cole... Cole... even in Levi's head it had started to sound wrong. Perhaps he should've said it out loud a little more before he decided on it, or perhaps he should've chosen something a little more... nah. That wasn't the reason that the name stung his ears when he heard it. In fact, it would've been the same with any other name. 

There was nothing wrong with the name Cole, nothing at all really.

The thing that bothered him was that it wasn't his own. It had been so long since he'd heard the word ‘Levi' leaving Eren’s lips. 

It would be so blissful to hear the boy speak his real name once again, with a smile on his face, just as he always had...

“Cole? Cole, seriously, if you're just going to stare at me then this isn't going to make for a very interesting conversation.” 

“Ahh!” Eren’s voice shocked him back into reality, and his eyes immediately shot down to his knees. Was he staring? Shit. “S-Sorry, just let me compose my thoughts.” 

Levi must've gone red. He could feel the flush in his cheeks, and hear a light chuckle from Eren’s direction. “Can’t stop staring into my eyes, huh?” Levi could hear the smugness in Eren's voice. “I didn’t expect my charms to get to you this quickly, Cole.” 

Levi shot him a frown, but his brow line softened when he saw the playful expression on Eren’s face. He looked... happy. 

“Shut up,” Levi grinned, a feeling of comfort washing over him for a moment. He untucked his legs from his chest, leaning down until he was laying down comfortably on the grass, eyes to the sky. “I'm just trying to think about how to word this. This isn't exactly a situation that I’m used to you know.”

“I understand,” Eren told him, the tone of his voice deepening a little as he spoke. His voice was oddly calming. “Take your time.” 

This was... nice? Only the day before, Levi had been panicking, deathly afraid of Eren and what he might do. He had just been told that Eren was plotting his murder, he had just been told that Eren hated him, and here he was, lying in the sunshine with Eren by his side. 

It was almost like a selfish paradise for him, and he couldn't help but feel guilty knowing that if Eren knew the truth he would be horrified. 

Eren seemed different today though. Easier to talk to, ample with friendly banter, a little flirty even. It was different from what Levi was used to, it was calm, fun... it seemed like despite what Eren thought of Levi, despite the fact that he hated him, Eren and Cole could be friends. 

Maybe it wasn’t going to be so bad being Cole for a little while.

Perhaps as Cole, Levi could build something between the two of them, something as beautiful as what they'd had in the past. 

Sure, he'd have to come clean eventually, but in the moment, Levi thought that perhaps he could let himself enjoy being Cole.  
If he was Cole, then this conversation wasn't really personal at all. If he was Cole, then all this talk about the guy who betrayed Eren wouldn't be so difficult to hear. It wasn't about him, it was about Levi... the idea that Eren had in his head of who Levi was, at least.

If he could keep himself strong in that mindset, then maybe this conversation wouldn't be so heartbreaking. 

Levi's eyes were beginning to adjust to the sun, and as they adjusted, the blue of the sky became more vibrant, the contours of the fluffy clouds more visible. “Ok,” he began, not sure exactly how this conversation would go, but knowing that it had to happen anyway.

“Yeah?” Eren perked up beside him, his tone practically dripping with curiosity. Levi hated the fact that this conversation was exciting Eren, because even before it had started, it was terrifying him.

“So you want me to help you... kill somebody.” Levi spoke the last part quietly, cautious of his surroundings. “But I don't even know who this person is. How do I know that they deserve death? I'm not a murderer you know.” 

Eren snorted beside him, apparently finding an element of humour in Levi's line of questioning. “Perhaps they don't,” he mused, turning over on the soft grass to face Levi directly. Levi could feel his eyes burning into the side of his face, and the soft hairs on his arms began to raise in response. “Perhaps he only did what he did out of desperation, perhaps it was the only way for him to survive, but that doesn't mean that I forgive him.”

Levi could feel the fear rising in his chest, but he gulped it down skilfully. Eren was never so vague as a child, he never danced around the point like this. He was always open and honest, but time hadn't been kind to him, and Levi could understand his reluctance. That being said, now was not the time for it. “This isn't a joke Eren. I know it may be personal, but if I’m going to compromise my own morals for you then I need to know everything. It's only fair.” 

“Fair?” Eren chuckled playfully, but Levi could hear the strain in his voice. “The last time I checked, you owed me a life debt. You should do whatever I want you to do to repay me.” 

Levi couldn’t help but frown at the boy's new found arrogance. “You told the archbishop yourself that I had defiance in my eyes. What made you think that I was going to obey you so easily?” 

Eren scoffed, and although Levi couldn't see his face he could practically feel the annoyance in his expression. “You’ve got some fight in you, Cole. That's why I like you. But don't start pushing your luck, you still belong to me, ok? Remember that.” 

Levi could feel his body tensing up, he'd crossed a boundary, and no matter how familiar the boy felt, the truth was that he was under Eren's control. It should've been daunting, intimidating, but this was Eren. He had nothing to fear. 

“Sorry.” Levi spoke softly, submissively. 

“It's ok,” Eren sighed, and as he did so the hot air rested on Levi’s cool skin. He didn't realise that Eren was so close to him, and the realisation gave him goosebumps. “You're right. I do owe you an explanation, that fact can't be argued.” Without warning, Levi felt the warmth of Eren's hand against his own. As if by nature the two threaded their fingers together. “I'll tell you everything, Cole, but please remember that this story brings me great distress, even to this day.” 

Since Levi had arrived at the church, Eren hadn't been the slightest bit shy about displaying physical contact. It had been that way since they were children, in fact, everybody in the church was fond of physical contact, from the Sinian priests to the villagers. Children would often be seen holding hands, friends on the street would exchange kisses as though they were nothing, but they way that Eren touched Levi somehow felt so much more intimate. He squeezed the boy's long fingers, wrapping his own around them as he braced himself for what he was about to hear. 

“I’ll be silent for as long as you'd like to speak,” Levi breathed, trying his best not to shudder as Eren's warm breath caressed the sensitive skin on his neck. “Please, tell me everything."

Eren sounded as if he were clearing his throat, as if he were preparing himself, but it was a few seconds before he spoke: “It was about ten years ago, the worst day of my life.” His voice sounded quiet, like it was ready to crack with emotion and flood the scene with his traumatic sadness, but he held strong. “This boy, my... my... best friend. He'd been with me since I was born really, but he decided that he wanted to leave. I begged him not to leave, but he did it anyway, him and two of his friends. I haven't seen any of them since.” 

Levi could feel his heart swell when Eren mentioned his friends. Farlan, and Isabel, they had both been killed during the escape. Eren sounded as if he was unaware of that fact. Did Eren think they they had escaped with him, unharmed? 

“It wasn't enough for him to just go though, he set half the monastery on fire on his way out. Stupid bastard, it took months for us to repair the damage that they caused. All of the priests, many of the villagers, they all worked none stop to rebuild, but that's not even nearly the worst part." 

Eren's voice grew deeper, more serious, frighteningly angry. "My mother found him as he was lighting one of the fires, and of course, she tried to stop him from leaving. Silly woman, she didn't realise the danger she was in, and before she could even speak his name he had killed her outright.”

“That's insane!" Levi couldn't help but propel the words from his lips like bullets, but Eren gave him a stern look that forbade him from speaking further, and Levi knew that no matter how much he wanted to defend himself, he must obey. 

“When I found her lifeless body I... I... she was lying in a pool of her own blood, but I was so naive, I thought I could still save her. Even as the fire surrounded us I tried to drag her body away from her bedroom, but she was too heavy for me, or more like... I was too weak.” 

Eren spat those last words. He hated himself for his weakness, that much was evident, but how could it have been his fault? He was just a child. He must've known that it wasn't his fault, but had he had anybody around to tell him that? 

“The building was beginning to collapse around us, but I couldn't just leave her there. I tried to drag her away, but I didn't have the energy, and as the building began to fall... a part of it... it fell on...” 

Eren’s free hand traced the scar on his face, and Levi turned just in time to watch as his expression soured. Did this mean that it was his fault? His fault for causing the scar on Eren's face? Of course it was, as if things couldn't get any worse. 

“I passed out from inhaling the smoke, and by the time I'd awoken my father told me that my mother was dead. She was with my sister Mikasa at the time, and Mikasa saw everything. She watched as that bastard plunged his stupid knife into my mother’s body over, and over, and over. She watched her die. It makes me sick to think that somebody that I once loved could be so evil!” 

“Your sister told you that?” Levi knew that he shouldn't speak right now, but he couldn't help himself. Mikasa had told him this lie? No way... there was no way that could be true! Mikasa was good, she was kind and true, there was no way that she could fabricate such a brutal, disgusting lie!

“No,” Eren hissed. “My father told me everything. Mikasa told him what happened, and she hasn't spoken since." Eren's eyes looked like they were welling up, his lips were pursed, his teeth harshly grazing his bottom lip. "Not a single word, not to me, not to father, not to anybody. Nobody knows why."

Eren took a deep breath, his eyes falling shut as he composed himself. "My father said it must've been trauma at first, but we no longer believe that’s the case. I don't think Mikasa will have the ability to speak again until the death of my mother has been avenged. That's the goddess's way of showing me that I need to avenge my mother." 

Levi almost choked on his own breath. Surely Eren didn't believe that the goddess, the fictional goddess that Grisha used to control his subjects, was the one who had cursed his little sister!

"My father doesn't know that I'm planning this revenge, he believes that Mikasa is doomed to silence forever. But I disagree." All of a sudden Eren's eyes began to glow with anticipation, with determination. "When my mother has received her divine justice then I'm sure that Mikasa will speak once again. That's why I have to kill him. So the goddess will gift Mikasa her voice back, and my mother will find peace in the afterlife. It's the only way.” 

“W-Wait...” Levi interrupted, bewildered, scared. His face glowing red, his eyes wide and brimming with desperation. “Why would the goddess take Mikasa's voice? That doesn't make sense! It sounds like it's an issue of trauma, not....” 

“And what would you know of Sina? Huh!” Eren spoke through gritted teeth, defiant against even the concept of another possibility. “This is my duty, my destiny. This is the way that Sina has always worked, she wants divine justice for my mother, and I'm the one who has for fulfil that wish. That’s just how it is.”

Levi must've been visibly shaken, he wanted to disagree, but he knew that there was no use arguing. Not when Eren was like this... “She really hasn't spoken for ten years?” Levi said, his voice void of emotion, but his heart sunken deep into his chest. Mikasa had always been shy, she didn't often speak to him, but to not speak for ten whole years. There was something going on there, something incredibly wrong. 

“Not a single word,” Eren sighed. His grasp on Levi's hand tightened, and his brow furrowed. “But I can’t lie to you Cole, I can’t lie and tell you that that is the only reason that I need to find him again.” 

“Oh?” Levi was almost hopeful... almost, before his overwhelming guilt dragged him back down to the pits of hell where he belonged.

Eren looked Levi straight in his eyes, and for a moment Levi was completely hypnotised. “I... I loved him. I really did love him, and no matter what had happened I would’ve listened to his side of the story, but I never got the chance to...” 

Levi could feel his stomach drop, his teeth suddenly dug into his bottom lip to stop it from wavering. 

“You see, he said that he'd come back for me. He said that he'd come back to get me, but he never did. At first I didn't believe what my father and Mikasa told me, I didn’t think that he was capable of such a horrible thing. But as the months went by, and they turned to years, I realised that it had to be true." Eren's face began to crumple it was obvious that he was fighting back tears at this point, and Levi was utterly impressed by the boy's resilience as not a single tear was shed. "He killed my mother, he gave me this horrible, disgusting scar, and then he abandoned me. He abandoned me because he couldn’t face me after what he’d done, he abandoned me because he just didn’t love me the way that I loved him. And now I hate him. I hate him, more than I’ve ever hated anything.” 

Eren shuffled closer, closer, until his heavy head was resting on Levi’s chest, his long arm spread across Levi's torso. He was shaking softly into Levi's body, holding him as if he hadn't held anybody in years. 

It was hell, literal hell to have Eren open up to him this way, to have him show his pain in this way and to know that it was his fault, or at least in Eren's eyes it was. Of course, he would never have killed Carla, he was innocent of that accusation completely, but the hatred for Levi still burned so strongly in Eren's heart that Levi could feel the searing on his skin. 

It was torturous, torturous to know that even though he loved Eren with every fibre of his being, there was nothing he could do to change his mind, not just yet. He had to stay strong, he had to be patient.

For now he had to be indifferent, removed, for now he had to be Cole. 

“I'm sorry,” Levi told him, and although he wasn't sure exactly why, he meant every single word. He nuzzled his head down into Eren's hair, using every ounce of his strength to quell the tears that threatened to spill. “I'm so sorry that happened to you, Eren. I promise that I'll help you. You have my word."

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! I'll be updating as often as I possibly can, and I'm open to suggestions, critiques and anything else you'd like to tell me!


End file.
